My windows photos. Many of them were lost in the last crash of the computer which seems unfortunate because I had a good start.

This is Maynard's barn.

Now I need again to look for what might be a window, a way of looking out and in or through. [Ah, Herb's prepositions again. ] Each of us involved, loving Megan and Jeremy and that tiny baby, will need to look. Looking through and past these months is a simple wish, but the days and hours creeping by will force the inside part. Each of us goes to different inside places, digs up different questions and different strengths.

Would that we can complement each other. Hold when holding is needed, offer the right words, kiss. Likely that won't happen just as we'd like but I plan to use this place to try. I hope to think outloud here and in the process provide a window.

It's more me than you, I know.

Look here Megan if and when you'd like. I feel as if there could be some motherly wisdom and comfort here, but I won't know for sure about the conversation. Or about the timing. I'm also not sure that what comes to me as comfort or sense will seem the same from your view. Likely it won't. Perhaps. My fervent hope though, is that some small piece might feel helpful or optimistic or comforting or even distracting to you some day. You, Jeremy too, will be surrounded by the love of people around you. Every person you know will try to be helpful, consoling, encouraging or just near. We all offer you what we can for support and company. May you be strengthened and touched over and over in ways we don't even know.

In the middle of the night though, it's just you and this baby. When you awaken, think of me because I am also awake many times through the night and each time I imagine you with your hand on your belly. She is so very much alive and so completely surrounded now by your love and nourishment. That just might be her safest place and we all might need to try to understand that. Even then the two of you aren't as alone as it may seem..... Take Jeremy's hand.

In fact, let me tell you that I sing to you and Laura and Peter each night as I go to sleep. It's like a prayer and a blessing and a constant song in my heart.

Sleep, my love and peace attend thee, All through the night.
Guardian angels God will send thee, all through the night;
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping, hill and vale in slumber sleeping,
Love alone her watch is keeping
All through the night.

I learned it first in Lullabies and Night Songs. Yup, same lullaby book that has Elephants in it. I memorized a bunch of things from that book so that I wouldn't always have to hum to you. Now I have the words I need at night.

These next months are a kind of night too you know. But love is on watch.

.


Looking and seeing; am always about that actually.