ok, ok, not *quite* this snowy this a.m., but i resorted to an old picture for the drama of it.

first, i welcome myself back~~! really, i'm happy about it. journaling, writing, thinking, letters, paper, cyberspace???????whichwhyhowtobest. mostly i love to write. additionally i visit with myself constantly. is there need to commit any of it really.....

i'm not sure but guess i'm re-appearing here. appear is such a bright good surprising feeling. even re *appear*ing feels significant.

so funny about the snow really. yesterday we also had cold and snow and about the same temps. yesterday i was resenting it and pretending it wasn't the point. kicked around with a sweater and hugged myself with a shiver at every turn outside. this morning however, dressed as i do for snow i was warmed and invigorated by both the temperature and the snow. funny about turning the page into a different beauty. me of all people who professes to dearly love our seasons; you would think that i would remember to embrace them. guess there is a small transition stage.

i pretended this morning that i was in CO. after that i pretended that i was in CA hiking as laura and martin did through the snow and without a trail. i didn't get lost though. the field road next to the field doesn't really get so very obscured you know. although........this morning as i had a cup of coffee in my bed, a train camoflauged itself. truly now, that is a bit of a trick. snowy branches in the window and white triple crown cars can do that. i even made ken laugh with the idea. we do regularly laugh at ourselves commenting in the morning that the kids would find it hard to understand that train watching in the morning rather entertains us. it is very close to having lawn chairs in an open garage and watching cars go by..... not something to pass around me thinks.

so, am a little blabby here this morn with my rearrival but i was inspired by the walk. in the beauty of the snowiness, anna sophie mutter joined me. i heard her way down in the woods past her tree and toward the airport. it's a tiny stretch in there, but a safe haven in many coats. we actually already had retreated in that direction because someone was hunting on neal ave. those voices mix uneasily for me: hawks and crows calling and gun shots. the only tracks i see ahead of me of course are deer tracks. i kept glancing about the field actually rather hoping not to see a deer fleeing but wishing that were happening. it's odd to walk as i do, pretty keyed in to all around me but to have shooting and death on the periphery. a day in life of course; almost too literal for me though.

this hunter has trespassed in several ways today of course. no one should have been on neal before me or even in addition as far as i'm concerned. his huge truck tires had already chewed up the soft snow and dug into the underlaying mud. another kind of painful analogy for me. *and* he will shoot the coyotes if he sees them and that makes me sad also. just what sort of balance to i think i'm about anyway... karen, karen, karen.

is every 5th person truly wired as ultraoverthetopgetreal sensitive? or is it just me.

i'm glad to write here again. i have more pictures to add too. and.....if i look back over my shoulder, i have much to write about it. i'm leaning toward opening this to just a few people who might wonder what's on my mind. we shall see.