Kairn

I'm not sure that I should use this place for my stream of conscious writing. It may confuse the library types but perhaps i can mark my homework clearly.

this is "home" work actually. i so constantly struggle with what i do. and, might i seriously entertain the idea of "writing" in a formal way. people have said that i might. deborah tempts me to, but for what purpose? so very surprisingly, i was very upset with laura's criticism of my e-mail style a couple days ago. so disjunct that she didn't find it understandable. i felt it as real as a slap. enough that any thought through the day brought tears. not welling up tears, but slipping down my face tears. that surprised me.

should i think more about how i communicate. i see taking time to write as a large part of the "bringing beauty", daily intention. i can't really stand to see it as silly. other's have noticed a "style". "like a puzzle" i was told. i'll try to step back to see that. jan says too flowery, laura now says too cryptic. hm. i rather lean to cryptic.

my word for the day is "cairn" or "kairn". funny, i had completely latched on to the idea of this new word to me a number of years ago, having brought back small cairns to the kids from quebec. i like the idea of a path, i look for one constantly. only in the last few years do i know that i am following one and that there are options and crossroads more often than one would expect. lindsay, nate and laura left a beautiful goldsworthy type shoreline of cairns in the bwca and then peter commented, "is that leaving it as you found it". such a solid case in point. is our beauty what others see as beauty? how could it POSSIBLY not be????

until today though, i haven't entertained even once the idea that i am cairn. for this purpose i'll use kairn. variation on kaaaarin. amazing that i haven't thought of it. "a heap of stones set up as a landmark or a memorial". heap is an unglamorous, non-poetic word for a, if not glamorous, a poetic idea. perhaps it's a reminder to see the "journey" and the marking of the journey as concrete and real life, not just phoofy and poetic. i lean to the latter, not so good with the former.

susan's post about "just do it" is a good companion today to being "kairn". i will think also about landmark versus land "mark". what is it to mark the way. show where i have been.
try out a way? leave some evidence behind?

closing for the morning. trying out this space.
k

kneel and kiss the ground

ok, so i keep trying. just got a note from st. mike's that bringing a guest choir isn't going to work in Lent. sigh.



Is this kneeling thing really worth it to me. What do people get from the singing out. are we "giving" enough. Can the Artist's Life bring anything? Can we "get" more from our rehearsal time. For me, singing together on Tuesdays IS the enough. I don't really care if we make a church service happen. Rehearsing that beautiful music with singers I care about around me, lifts my spirit, feeds my spirit. I am kneeling. dare i say, kissing?

could someone else care with me?

thank heavens - or some intervention from heaven - i hadn't sent yet another poke to andy haase about at LEAST coming to sing at st. mike's. i'm a little sick of begging him to come. ok, susan the attraction thing. make it happen. being there in that gorgeous space felt like the best gig i had managed. I'll ask if we could rehearse anyway. I'll pay.

is designing a vesper service a direction.
shall i quit too?

i'm working on attracting talent and energy and beauty. now, that's a nice package~!
and, according to susan, there need to be some concrete actions to make that happen.
start the thinking again.....

does ken care?

how can trinity play a tape when the organist and choir is all there. this doesn't bode well, does it laura.

just how out of step am i anyway? a new walk?

k

these things i know. art is important. language can be banal or inspired. i take inspired and colored and live and lively and heartfelt and ancient and wordless and soulful anyday.

kathy webb are you out there?

take down the dulcimer..........

take down the dulcimer.....