only checking in

almost may.   it's been so long since i stopped in here.   i don't want to let this go even as i vow to letter-write to deborah, keep up the "understory" and postcard admin.   this was *my* place for heart to hearts.   currently - seemingly perennially - in need of a heart mender.

or maybe i'm supposed to be that person.

mis-communications from the visit w. megan.  she has some valid points, funny, i always think i'm the one all tuned in.    i'm stepping back to see that my only models of extended family visiting were obviously jim/joyce and my parents.   i'm new to this game of long distance family.   i really only want intimate, deeply connected on my terms.  

it won't be my terms.   not w. ken, not w. megan and her family, not w. ken's family.   broaden the terms.
that would be the smart way.